Who am I?

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."

2 Corinthians 5:17

This is something that took me awhile to figure out believe it or not, but this past month has been the most eye opening. Let me be honest with you, I had a miscarriage and it was absolutely devastating. I wanted this baby to survive and to be able to make it in this world and for whatever the reason why, we could not have this baby. I lost a child that I will never know in this lifetime. Every time I think about that baby, I feel like I'm missing out on what that baby's life could have been along with the giggles, tears, and what really tears me up is that my husband never gets to see his little rabbit, our Jonah.

When I was in the ER that night, I made a decision. I made the decision to trust in Christ. This was the moment that my relationship with Christ really changed; do not get me wrong, it was already heading in this direction. I decided that even though I could no longer carry our child that I wanted to worship Christ in the devastation. I knew I still needed to grieve; however, I wanted to cry out in victory because I know that I have already won the battle because of what Christ did at the cross.

Despite all the tears, God and I had some pretty great moments, but I would not have had them if I was not reading my bible., writing letters and cards, worshipping God through dance and singing.

Every other couple of days, I would open my bible and read. While I was not reading my bible, I'd be reading books like Amazing Truths: How Science And The Bible Agree by Dr. Michael Guillen, Brighten Your Bible Study by Jordan Lee, and Women of the Word: How to Study the Bible with Both Our Hearts and Our Minds by Jen Wilkin, and Anchored: A

Bible Study For Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss by Erin Cushman. In fact, I'm still reading them. I catch myself bouncing around reading sections at a time as I need them, but my bible is the foundation in which my life is built on and that's where my focus remains.

One night, I found myself dancing to Klove and rejoicing in His love. I started writing scripture on little pieces of paper and hanging them up on my wall. The next morning, I was up at 2:00 reading my bible, writing scripture in a notebook, and I stumbled upon a scripture, 2 Kings 7, that I was unsure of and could not quite understand. A couple of days later, I was sitting at home, before leaving for a winter conference at our church, watching a sermon, embracing limitation by Pastor Steven Furtick, about breaking through. Well, not only was it the same scripture I was struggling with, but the Pastor that was speaking at the winter conference that night was talking about breaking out. It was absolutely incredible; I never encountered God like that before.

I think what happened was that I finally become obedient, listened for God, and I was receiving answers. It is absolutely incredible that if we start to slow down and put our focus on Jesus that we can receive the direction that we need. God works in amazing ways.

I found out that I am strong through Jesus Christ. It is because of Him that I am able to wake up in the morning and carry on with my day, that I can leave yesterday in the past with all the pain and agony, that I decide to love people who are difficult to love and care about, that I can become a better version of myself or even better than that God's best version of me.

It took me years to get where I am, but that one choice that I made in the summer of 2016 by accepting Jesus Christ into my life altered my life as I knew it. Honestly, there are hard days, but I would not change it for the world.